i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
