Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
