There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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