when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
