she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Drake has all the answers
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