i think my tv is drunk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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