Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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