Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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