so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
