The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
