I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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