Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(229): View more from Georgia

my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

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(805): View more from California

Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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(479): View more from Arkansas

They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.

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(845): View more from New York

I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.

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(210): View more from Texas

Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-

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(904): View more from Florida

Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.

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