Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
