So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
