Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think my moral compass just broke
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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