did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
