Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
