UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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