then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
