I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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