Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
