Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The beer is more important than you right now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
