Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
