did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
