You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
