she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
