mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
