ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
