You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
