the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
