I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
