I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
