i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
