We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
