You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
