She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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