how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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