she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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