my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
