she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
