someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
