he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
