He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
