Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
