dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize