You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
