Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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