epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
