She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
