I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We are two peas in an std pod
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
