I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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