were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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