God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
