I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
