You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
