I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
