A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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