did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
