I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
